


Two Traumas

by HydraHottie



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: But I still did it, I didn't want to do this to the science babies I swear, Little bit of angst, Okay maybe a lot of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-13 01:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2132298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HydraHottie/pseuds/HydraHottie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First Simmons jumped out of the plane and then Fitz saved Simmons at the cost of his own life. The two big traumas this season for FitzSimmons and what happened from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When Jemma Jumped

After Jemma jumps:  
Simmons woke up to the sound of screaming. A thin wall seperated her from the source of the noise and it took her a moment in her tiredness to realize what was going on. Fitz. Screaming. Her eyes bolted open and she ran out of her bunk into his. She’d long since memorized his doors passcode and closed the door behind her before turning to him.

Coming in she had had very intention to run right to him but suddenly she was frozen dead in her tracks. He was crying and screaming into his pillow, his face twisted into a pained expression in his sleep. Her heart ached at his pain and she soon realized that he was screaming words in between deep sobbing breaths. A few minutes passed and she realized what he was screaming.

“JEMMA,” no, please no, “DON’T,” this can’t be because of her, please, “PLEASE.”

He was reliving it. The alien virus, her jumping out the plane, (which she still maintains was an entirely selfless, brave and heroic act on her part) and for the first time she felt… sorry for almost dying. For being willing to die to save all of them. But now seeing what she did to Fitz…

His screaming got louder and more desperate, prompting her into action. She walked to two small steps to his bed and sat down on it. His hair was stuck to his forehead with sweat and her hand slowly pushed it back, while the other shook his arm gently.

“Fitz? Fitz, it’s me, Jemma, I’m here. Please wake up.” His screaming quieted to a dull sob but he still didn’t wake up.

“Leo, please!” She shook him a little harder and his eyes opened with panic. His eyes shot back and forth around the room before settling on her.

“J-Jemma?” His hand reached out for her like he wanted to trace her face with his fingers. Instead she reached for his hand and took it in her own. Given the look in his eyes, she figured he wasn’t all awake yet, he probably thought he was still dreaming.

He stared at her with a faint smile on his face as she ran her hands through his hair and idly traced circles on his hand with her thumb. Every time he blinked his eyes stayed closed a little longer than the last until, finally, he was asleep.

Jemma put his head comfortably back on the pillow and pulled his blanket back up before leaving. She took one last look at him before the closing the door behind her. He probably wouldn’t remember it in the morning, or if he did he’d assume it was a dream. When Jemma went back to sleep she went the whole night without hearing any screams.


	2. After Fitz Saves Jemma: Jemma's Pov

Jemma couldn’t breathe, it was like she was the one who’d had the air pushed out of her instead of Fitz. And she wished she was. Fitz, the stupid and brave and brilliant boy that he was, had found a way to save her, knowing that only one of them would make it. No, thinking not knowing. He had made it. He had made it. He had made it. And she had to keep reminding herself of that fact.

It was hard to believe it though, when the he in question hadn’t been around her lately. He had recovered, although he still had moments where he seemed to drift off into his own thoughts. It felt like… he had been avoiding her. But he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. He had told her she was more than just his best friend and you don’t avoid someone who you… who you feel that for.

But all the same, his space in the lab was uncomfortably empty and she waited for her sentences to be finished by someone who wasn’t there. Calling it a day, (without him she just couldn’t get work done) she cleaned up the lab and got ready for bed. But instead of her own bunk, she found herself going to his.

She brought the first season of the x-files as an excuse. ‘Hey, Fitz. How about a before bed movie and while we’re watching you can tell me why you’re avoiding me, yeah?’ Not likely. But when she went to his door and entered the passcode, a red light blinked back at her. He had changed his code. Of course it didn’t mean anything, it was probably some standard security procedure, right? She tried knocking.

“Fitz? Fitz, I know you’re in there. I have x-files…” No response. 

Pouting, she returned to her own bunk, throwing x-files sadly to the side. She prepared herself for another hard night. She hadn’t been sleeping well since the underwated incident. Remembering the times she had comforted Fitz during his nightmares after her plane-jump only made her feel worse. She had been there for him when he needed her, now where was he? Of course, she couldn’t remember ever having woken up screaming. 

She turned off her light and burrowed herself into her pillow as if it would protect her from the unwanted nightmares.


	3. After Fitz Saves Jemma: Fitz's Pov

Fitz had been working in the lab in the middle of the night. Impractical and exhausting, yes, but it also allowed him to avoid Simmons. He didn’t know if he could ever look her in the eye again, let alone work side by side again. He had told her everything, (and why not? He though he was about to die for her) and while she hadn’t said she didn’t love him like that, she hadn’t said she did either.

He missed her. He missed her so much it felt like he was still sucking in ocean water instead of air and he might as well’ve died at the bottom of that ocean. But it would just be awkward to be around her again. It probably would be just as quiet and painful as not being around her at all and at least this way he was sparing her the trouble of rejecting him.

He set down the tech he was fiddling with and stared over at her workspace expecting to see it’s usual organized chaos that only Simmons could achieve. Instead he saw a space perfectly organized and pristine, very un-simmons.

She was the scientist who left a cat’s liver next to his lunch, who once had an entire conversation with him while absentmindedly waving around a decapitated alien hand and yet she had found the time to organize that well? Fitz shook of whatever thoughts were worming into his head but found he couldn’t refocus on his work. He left it where it was and went up to his bunk to hopefully get a good nights sleep.

But as he came up the stairs he heard a soft sobbing coming from Jemma’s room. He pressed his ear to the door and debated going in or not. He slid down slowly, until he sat on the floor with his ear pressed against the door.

After a few minutes he heard a garbled, “Fitz.”

It hurt. It hurt to know that she was in just as much pain as he was. It hurt that this was all his fault. It hurt that he couldn’t go in there and comfort her like she had once comforted him. It hurt that he didn’t have the bloody right to love her.

Fitz was done. He hopped up, entered the passcode, and ran through the door and to the bed. Simmons was curled around her pillow, crying silently into it. 

“Oh, Jem,” Fitz whispered. He sat down next to her and hugged her to him. She came to after a few seconds and looked at him sadly before she started crying again.

“Shhh. Shhh, Jemma. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He shushed her quietly, rocking them both back and forth with the movement of the plane.

“Fitz…” Jemma trailed off.

“Yeah.”

“You’re more than just my best friend too.”

“Shh, no, you don’t have to-”

“No, but I want to.” She insisted. That shut Fitz right up. “I missed you so much and I need you so much, please. Don’t leave me alone again.” She buried her face in his chest, her fingers curling around the fabric of his t-shirt.

“I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you. I’ve been beside you the whole damn time and I intend to continue to be.”

They fell asleep in a rather awkward position, all wrapped around one another. But they slept better than either of them had in a very long time.


End file.
